It’s 9:00 pm and I am sitting here at my computer with retinol under-eye strips stuck to my face, a mug of sleepy time tea within close reach and my feet are soaking in a hot tub of Apple Cider Vinegar and Epsom Salts. This is a really big deal. Allow me to elaborate.

For one, I don’t do this enough. I’ve already written a post about how I don’t write enough because of the pressure to make the perfect post. (But who am I kidding, the real reason is often because I’m just too fucking tired at the end of every repetitive mutherfucking day.) So now I’m approaching this as a journal and I am just writing. Whatever the fuck I want. And what I fucking want to write about right now is that I’m proud of myself for taking a little time for me. ME! You’re welcome body, mind and soul. You’re welcome.

What’s that?

No, I didn’t suffer any permanent hearing loss after my recent ear infection. I’ve heard you crying out, I just haven’t been very good about listening. . .

It’s sad how much a person’s self worth is tied to how much he or she can accomplish. Or at least, it’s sad how much mine often is. As a stay at home mom, my accomplishments on a daily basis feel very small and very redundant. My list often includes things like: I did the laundry. Yay me! Oh wait, I forgot that I started another load and it’s been sitting there mildewing since this morning. Shit. I suck. Or maybe: I got my kids out the door and made it to the play date and we were only 10 minutes late. Hooray! Huge pat on the back!!

So today I am giving myself major kudos for doing a lot of things that are always on my list but I often get too tired to do. Today, I was able to do an overnight fast and then eat a healthy breakfast that included freshly harvested kale from my garden. Fuck yeah! Killin’ it!! I also did a 12 minute workout and am still really sore. The kids and I made 3 different healthy “treat” snacks: Sesame protein balls, Chocolate Fudge-muffins (made from bananas, PB, cocoa powder, protein powder and a dash of maple syrup) and chocolate pudding (made from avocado, coconut cream, banana, protein powder and a dash of maple syrup)! We made it to a play date at the beach and my toddler actually behaved really well and made me look like a super-mom. And now, to cap off a day full of accomplishments, I am doing some Goddamn self care.

I know it’s a really trendy topic right now, and I can see why. Mental health is a trendy topic too, thank goodness. I’m glad to be living in a time when we are attempting to shine a light on mental illness rather than keeping it hidden in the dark. Point being, mental health and self care a very much linked, and I am realizing that I need to make more of an effort at self care to help me be a better parent (and person) both physically and mentally.

I’ve been struggling recently with the stress of being a full time parent. I feel like it’s become a vicious cycle where my body will have something go wrong which prevents me from being able to run (side note: I love running, it has always been one of the main outlets for me to release stress, and I have it stuck in my head that running is the only way I can get my body back to how I looked pre-babies) and then I get super upset mentally and go into a funk. I am hoping that if I start making a commitment to myself to do things that are good for my body, that it will in turn help me be in a better place mentally.

And so, I am daring to take a little better care of myself. I am challenging myself to find a way to exercise that doesn’t rely on running. I am trying to prioritize writing as part of my self care. It’s an outlet that always feels like a luxury. I need it to become a staple.

Like I said in my first post, one of the main purposes of this blog is for me to keep my priorities in line. By writing about the things I care about and focusing on the lifestyle that I want to lead, it will help keep me accountable. So tonight I did it. Huge checks off the list and huge weight off my shoulders. Hopefully I’ll be back here same time next week, mug of tea in hand, soaking my feet, wearing a mud mask on my face and ready to write another update.